Saturday, August 1, 2009

Failure!

So, of course, I've binged. How did I know I would ruin it again. You would think when you have your mind set on something, maybe, just maybe you could keep with it. Well, back to square one. I'm going to start another water fast today cuz it was working really freaking well. I lost a pound a day for a week, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. They are so right: Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. I'm totally going to be good this time...I hope.

I've found out what my triggers are, so I just need to avoid them. I've decided to do water fasting two days on and one day off, with one day a week of eating below 300 calories. The days I'm not water fasting, I'll have a juice fast. This is just to keep myself from binging while I get used to not eating at all. I'm going to do this for as long as possible, and for every week I do it, I'll put away 20 bucks. Then by the time my birthday comes around, I'll be able to buy some nice clothing for myself.

What's really awesome though, is how easy this all is to hide. My fiance has no clue, and when I told him I wanted to water fast he didn't know what it was. I told him it was a detoxifying process, and he was totally cool with it. I can't believe he wasn't suspicious at all. It was so empowering to know I'm hiding it from all my family.

So, what am I going to do with all this newfound thinness? I believe I'll actually pursue my dream of being an actress and model. Not sure exactly how I'm going to break out into the biz, but we'll see how things go. Craigslist is my best friend, so I know I'll be looking on there for some new gigs. I could be the new, skinnier Halle Barry!! Haha, JK. I need to find a way to make more money for sure though. All this living with my mother-in-law is getting on my last freaking nerve. I hate having to listen to her bitch all the time, and her annoying, rude ass boyfriend. This is turning out to be a bad living situation already and I've only been here for about 2 weeks now. That's sad. Hopefully with all this money I'm going to be saving every week from not eating, I can go ahead and put some away for moving out.

It's so much easier not to eat when you're stressed or depressed. I feel when I'm alone is the best time for me to get a shitload of thinspiration in. It sucks though, cuz I feel I need a partner in crime. Having support definitely helps, I'm sure, and reading everyone's blogs on here and making my rounds to the thinspiration sites helps.

One question though. I know a lot of you take muliviatmins to help out with the lack of nutrients, but I'm finding that when I take them I'm ridiculously sick to my stomach, so it gets in the way of my daily tasks like driving. Does anyone have a solution for this? I think maybe I'll try taking them in the evenings when I get home from work so I can curb my craving for dinner and not have to go anywhere for the rest of the night. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I'm so excited again to put in some hard work for my body. Writing in this blog more often will definitely help to keep me motivated, I think. Comment on me and show me that you're out there supporting me guys!! I'd really appreciate it!

Much <3

11 comments:

  1. Hey there, I found your blog by a link from an ace other blogger, and was hoping you dont mind if I follow you? I know that fast feeling. And the binge feeling. And the feeling of asking yourself WHY OH WHY for ONCE cant you just STICK to what the plan was! I hope you are feeling better - I am sorry I dont have any suggestions for the multivits - like you said I think the evening Idea is good. However apparently without food they dont absorb much, so maybe the ones that dissolve in water may be better and make you feel less sick? Dont know, just a suggestion

    Good luck with your plan x

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  2. hey girl, I just came across your blog and although you havent posted in awhile, like many of us you may still be reading so I thought I'd give you my advise on the multi's

    I used to (i don't take them anymore which is bad you should def take them!) anyway, I used to split them up over like 2 hours. I would take one while drinking coffee about every 10 or 15 min. I know it sometimes is hard to hide but its worth it especially if you are taking a lot of them.

    Good luck hunnie!
    much luv stay strong!
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Have you seen Dandelion Girl's (glitter in the wind) idea for December? You should check it out. Lovely idea, I think.

    http://glitterinthewind.blogspot.com/2009/12/reply-for-present-and-support-thinnies.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. where are you? you've been so long! come back! :(

    ReplyDelete
  5. heyhey, just commenting to say I'm here. I don't use vitamins... most of what I eat is fruit and veggies so that helps. I wish I could help more with that! Uhmm, maybe eat some blueberrys and asparagus (I know, eww, but when you force yourself to eat nasty things it really cuts down on your hunger, at least it does for me). :) Keep movin down girl! I'm right there with ya.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi :) i'm new here I was wondering if you can follow me... www.goalsize6.blogspot.com


    please, I could really use support from everyone : )

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've just started a 28-day water fast. I'm on day 4 at the moment and it seems to be going well. Good luck with your fast! :) I'll be following you now.

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