Failure!

So, of course, I've binged. How did I know I would ruin it again. You would think when you have your mind set on something, maybe, just maybe you could keep with it. Well, back to square one. I'm going to start another water fast today cuz it was working really freaking well. I lost a pound a day for a week, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. They are so right: Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. I'm totally going to be good this time...I hope.

I've found out what my triggers are, so I just need to avoid them. I've decided to do water fasting two days on and one day off, with one day a week of eating below 300 calories. The days I'm not water fasting, I'll have a juice fast. This is just to keep myself from binging while I get used to not eating at all. I'm going to do this for as long as possible, and for every week I do it, I'll put away 20 bucks. Then by the time my birthday comes around, I'll be able to buy some nice clothing for myself.

What's really awesome though, is how easy this all is to hide. My fiance has no clue, and when I told him I wanted to water fast he didn't know what it was. I told him it was a detoxifying process, and he was totally cool with it. I can't believe he wasn't suspicious at all. It was so empowering to know I'm hiding it from all my family.

So, what am I going to do with all this newfound thinness? I believe I'll actually pursue my dream of being an actress and model. Not sure exactly how I'm going to break out into the biz, but we'll see how things go. Craigslist is my best friend, so I know I'll be looking on there for some new gigs. I could be the new, skinnier Halle Barry!! Haha, JK. I need to find a way to make more money for sure though. All this living with my mother-in-law is getting on my last freaking nerve. I hate having to listen to her bitch all the time, and her annoying, rude ass boyfriend. This is turning out to be a bad living situation already and I've only been here for about 2 weeks now. That's sad. Hopefully with all this money I'm going to be saving every week from not eating, I can go ahead and put some away for moving out.

It's so much easier not to eat when you're stressed or depressed. I feel when I'm alone is the best time for me to get a shitload of thinspiration in. It sucks though, cuz I feel I need a partner in crime. Having support definitely helps, I'm sure, and reading everyone's blogs on here and making my rounds to the thinspiration sites helps.

One question though. I know a lot of you take muliviatmins to help out with the lack of nutrients, but I'm finding that when I take them I'm ridiculously sick to my stomach, so it gets in the way of my daily tasks like driving. Does anyone have a solution for this? I think maybe I'll try taking them in the evenings when I get home from work so I can curb my craving for dinner and not have to go anywhere for the rest of the night. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I'm so excited again to put in some hard work for my body. Writing in this blog more often will definitely help to keep me motivated, I think. Comment on me and show me that you're out there supporting me guys!! I'd really appreciate it!

Much <3